My neck hurts from this heart monitor, yup I am wearing a heart monitor. I am going to give you a guess why?
ANXIETY = Heart Palpitations.
Ugh. My anxiety has got so bad that I feel like my heart is going to flutter out of my chest at times but I just have to keep my mind off of it but as you know, anxiety cloud is always there to creep in at any second. My wife wanted me to get checked to make sure that is what is going on and she thinks it’s my anxiety too. I hope it is but it is still scary and of course my brain goes to bad things. Fucking anxiety. I had to go to the Emergency Room to get hooked up and I thought it was going to be a easy thing, NOPE! First they have to rub your skin raw where the sticker goes on your chest and 2 other places, that burned really bad and my neck hurts from holding this thing around it. I go back tomorrow to turn it in and will wait to get results from my doctor, wonder how long that will be? I just want to be told I am okay and I just need to do breathing exercises to calm myself down, which I need to do anyways.
I used to be so good at not letting other people get to me but lately, it has been rough, friends and family have been acting off or I just stopped talking to them and just the mention of their name, makes me get super anxious. I don’t even know why, but it does. I know not talking to my family bothers me but I just have to move on with my life. Did I tell you I am not talking to them? Scratch that…they are not talking to me. I think I wrote about it already but just in case you don’t know, I think they don’t like how I am living my life and my dad called me a rebel anddddddd he did not come to our wedding, not our commitment ceremony or our legal wedding. I have been with my wife for almost ten years….she is not going anywhere, so why can’t people get over it? That’s a hypothetical question, there’s a shit ton of reasons why but what’s the point of going over them, they won’t change their minds.
Anyways, has it been 24 hours yet?!?!?!
It’s crazy to think how much anxiety can dominate your life, I just got to take things slow and try to not get worked up about stuff, good luck with that, right?
Till next time.
Keep Moving Forward,
P.S…Just for the sake of writing this and letting my brain have some peace….let it just be my anxiety!