Sorry I have not written a blog lately…I have been going through some things and today, I feel like I can share.
Well last week I got my annual, well now bi-annual pap- smear. Oh and did you know now you can only get them every THREE years?? What kind of shit is that??? Next year are they going to say every four years and so on. So ridiculous.
Anyways, well that part went fine but then comes the breast exam…this doctor went to town, my other doctor did not. Well, she found a lump, I felt it not too long ago, but didn’t really think it was anything bad. My doctor wanted me to get a mammogram and see what they say.
Of course I had to wait a week till my mammogram, and if you know me, or read my blog, you know I am SUPER ANXIOUS! My brain would not turn off and I would automatically think, “what if,” I researched everything about lumps on Google. My wife would tell me to stop but it was hard. I haven’t gone to yoga in over a week either; I just have been so anxious.
I barely slept any last night, I was so anxious. My appt. was at 1:20 but I got there at 1:00 to fill out paperwork. My stomach was in knots, thankfully my wife was there but she was not allowed back there with me. When they called my name, my heart dropped in my stomach. I walked in the back and into a SMALL, and I mean like solitary confinement small room. I got undressed from the waist up and put on this weird poncho and sat there and waited. The lady doing the mammogram came in and led me into the room with the huge mammogram machine. You would think by 2017 they would think of a little machine to take images of boobs, but whatever. The PAIN that came can not even be explained, another thing about myself is that I have little boobs, to be exact…size A. I had this lady cupping my little breast and trying to put it on the shelf thing and have this plate trying to squish it. My body was all contorted to get good images of my breast, it was crazy and painful but it had to be done. My face was hitting the shield that goes around when it’s taking an image, so I had to push my neck back but make sure my shoulder is hanging down…oh and you can’t breathe because that causes movement!
After all that and getting my boobs somewhat back on my body, I had to go back into the solitary confident room and wait for a ultrasound. That was not as bad but them pushing the wand down doesn’t feel great. The technician told me that my lump was tissue and there was a little cyst next to it – THANK GOODNESS!! So much relief but then she goes to my next breast…there was this weird shading and she did not say anything and took pictures and said she would get the doctor to go over my results.
Great…I am laying there half naked with weird jelly on me and I smell like the baby wipe that I had to use to take off my deodorant…my wife is in the waiting room and I forgot my phone so I had to type to her on my Apple watch, which took forever to scribble each letter to her. I was so emotionally and psychically exhausted, from not sleeping, to my boob being squished to a pancake and now waiting. I just started to close my eyes and hoped I could take a nap, but then the doctor came in and started doing the ultrasound to look. He repeated what the technician said, the lump is tissue and a cyst next to it, and I just need to watch it, but when he went to my left breast, he told me that I have a benign tumor. TUMOR?!?!?!?!?! I asked him if it was cancerous and he said no because of the shape but we have to keep a eye on it. I have to come back in six months to get another ultrasound to see if it has grown or not, and if so, I will get a biopsy. But, for now I am okay, but just to check to see if I notice any changes.
I am so thankful it is not cancer but it’s a scary thought, I am so thankful for the technology that we have to check for cancer and make sure we are healthy, even if it’s painful, the peace of mind matters more.
Keep moving forward,
Love – WBC
Here is a link to self check!!