Do you have vivid dreams? I do! And they mess with me all day. I had two dreams back-to-back last night and now I feel anxious and insecure. I do not want to go into detail what they were about, but I can tell you about some other dreams I have had that messed with my head.
But first…dreams are just stories we have made up while we sleep. When I was getting my Bachelors in Psychology, I read about dreams and Sigmund Freud said that dreams are our unconscious desires, he said that “dreams are the royal road to the unconscious.”
My dreams usually have to deal with my anxiety and when I wake up, I am anxious all day. I feel a overwhelm of panic when I wake up. A nightmare wakes me up but I feel like an anxiety dream keeps messing with my unconscious to the point where I just can’t wake up knowing it was a dream and not real life. I read that these type of dreams happen during REM sleep, which is the most critical time where our vivid dreams manifest.
When my wife and I got our first apartment, we were sleeping on a old mattress on the floor and at this time in my life, I had horrible anxiety and did not know how to control it. My girlfriend (at the time knew) I had anxiety and she was the only one there for me when I needed someone to bring me back down to earth when I would spiral out of control. Well I had a dream that she was in the hospital in a coma and had a breathing machine, I was devastated. I was crying in my dream and she woke me up because I really started crying, I woke up with my head on her chest to hear her heartbeat. This dream was so vivid and when I woke up, I could not stop crying. I was still feeling devastation and now a shit ton of anxiety. What did this dream mean? Was something bad going to happen? I was anxious and scared all day, my wife (girlfriend at the time) had to remind me all the time that she was okay and nothing bad was going to happen. Well she is still fine, thank God. But that dream really messed with me.
Most of the time, my dreams come from the last show I have watched that day. It’s crazy. I was watching Hart of Dixie and you know…I am scared of ——, well Zoe (the doctor) was taking care of kids that were sick, I muted the show and didn’t look (it didn’t show anything but I don’t want to hear details), but I still had a bad dream that night, in which I was not feeling good. Not sure how long it lasted but I woke up feeling like crap, I felt anxious all day long. I knew it was just a dream but my dreams can be so vivid. I will constantly think of the dream and my stomach will be in knots and I will start to panic. My brain can not stop going back to it and it haunts me all day.
Having insomnia does not help with my anxiety, I can not sleep and when I can’t sleep, I either read a book or watch a show on Netflix, which does not help with dreams either, I will have dreams that pertain to the show I am watching.
When I do not dream or just do not remember it, it’s great. I do not need something like a dream to push me back into a panic attack but when it does happen, it sucks. Today I am struggling. I am anxious. I am insecure. I am trapped in my thoughts. I am exhausted.
Keep Moving Forward
Much Love – WBC